Shocking Revelation:  Abraham Lincoln’s Pardon for Biden’s Great-Great-Grandfather Discovered

JR Fotografie /
JR Fotografie /

In an unexpected twist, it turns out that President Joe Biden’s great-great-grandpappy was quite the character, receiving a presidential pardon from none other than Abraham Lincoln himself. Yes, folks, before Biden was a twinkle in the political landscape, his ancestor Moses Johnson Robinette stirred up drama in 1864, proving that scandal and the Biden family go way back.

Moses, who lacked proper medical credentials, worked as a Union Army veterinary surgeon. He had a temper problem. According to the ever-reliable Washington Post, Moses got himself into a knife fight with John J. Alexander, a civilian brigade wagon master, over some spicy comments allegedly made about a female cook. This wasn’t your average kitchen squabble; it ended with Moses earning a one-way ticket to a court-martial for trying to turn Alexander into a pincushion.

The altercation took place in the scenic setting of Beverley Ford, Virginia, which, aside from being a picturesque backdrop for Moses’ impromptu knife skills exhibition, played host to his veterinary shenanigans. Fast forward to the court-martial, where Moses was found guilty of everything but attempted murder (a silver lining, perhaps?) and sentenced to two years of hard labor in “America’s Siberia,” aka Dry Tortugas Island. This place was so remote and dismal that it made social distancing look like a party.

But wait, there’s more! Just when it seemed like Moses was doomed to break rocks under the Florida sun, a trio of Union Army officers stepped in to plead his case to Lincoln, painting Moses as a self-defending patriot who was merely “cutting with a Penknife” a man “much his superior in strength and size.” They highlighted his loyalty to the Union and his family’s dire situation, including his “motherless daughters and sons at home.”

Lincoln, perhaps moved by the image of Moses’ distressed family or maybe just wanting to clear his desk, pardoned him with a pen stroke. “Pardon for unexecuted part of punishment. A. Lincoln. Sep. 1. 1864,” he wrote, showcasing his knack for brevity. Just like that, Moses was free to return to his life, eventually settling in Maryland, far away from the battlefield and, presumably, any sharp objects.

Moses’ legacy lived on, with his granddaughter eventually contributing to the gene pool that gave us Joe Biden. And so, in a bizarre twist of fate, when Joe Biden was born, he was closer in time to the Lincoln assassination than to his own second presidential campaign. Let that sink in. If history teaches us anything, it’s that the past is never really past—especially if you’re a Biden.